If you're not swallowing the solution, you're part of the problem.

For those of you who find the lives of other people interesting:

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 06:30:19 GMT

Pearl, I think you have a ton of incredible qualities. You are funny, you're an incredibly hard worker, you are generous, and you are beautiful. And I'm sure you're a wonderful cook, too.

I really did want to develop our relationship, right from the word "beautiful". I wish we still could. But ACN is going to be a big part of my life, and it's a big deal for my family. And I need everybody in my family to support me in this. It can't include people who don't right now. Whether they have known me for five days or five years. If you are going to be a big part of my life, you have to support me and believe in me, and trust when I say that what I'm doing is the most good any random Joe can do for the people he or any other random Jane can do for the most important people in their lives.

I'll admit that I don't know a lot about business but I've had jobs before and I know how most business work. Some dude who can't even pay his rent works his ass off while all the people's lives above him get more and more comfortable. Every single representative in ACN goes through the same thing. For some, the learning curve is long and steady. But as long as you pluck away at it, you'll get it. For others, it's easy. They know what it takes and they get it done. Some struggle, get either discouraged or distracted and drop out.

This is the most amazing business model I've ever seen. This isn't a pyramid scheme. In "schemes", only the person at the top benefits. In ACN, everybody benefits if everybody is doing the exact same thing. The customers are still getting their service, receiving a bill, and then obligated to pay if they wish to continue with the service, and I'm out there making new friends and putting myself in a position where my children's children won't have to work unless they want to. And I'll be teaching other people to do it, too. I'll get to teach. I once told my uncle that I was going to become a teacher. I get to do that with ACN. I once told a girl that by the end of 2008 I will get on an airplane and backpack around the world. I can do that with ACN. My brother Garett is socially retarded. He gets into fights at work because he doesn't deal with authority well. And he loves cars. He won't ever have to work again, and I'll be able to get him a car kit and let him build one from scratch and have all of the time in the world for it.

Ryan is busting his ass working a graveyard shift moving boxes around. Ryan and Garett both now have a family and are both struggling. My dad owns his own company and still has a part time job where he's working full time hours. And my mom is running on fumes emotionally. My Uncle Vic has lived with his mother his entire life, and he's 51. My grandmother is 90 and always talks about how "this is going to be the last winter Olympics I'll get to see" because she's so fucking old. She loves that figure skating shit and I would love to be able to send them both to the next winter Olympics, wherever that might be.

This guy Mike that I met one night after the movies while walking home with Scotty was helping me move the very next weekend. I want to be able to stop somebody on the street who I noticed doing a good deed and tell them about this amazing opportunity. And all of this can happen if I just stay focused and work hard. And I've been blessed to have David Kehoe mentoring me. The guy is doing things that so very few people do in this business. A Michael Jordan of his craft. He even lent me money to get into it. He only asks that I pay back what I borrowed. But he did it because he can see something driving me. The same thing that's driving him. And that's what this is all about. People helping people who share the same goals.

What do you think the quickest way to learn a language would be? I would think that spending a lot of time with people who spoke that language extremely well and that's all they spoke around you, you would probably pick it up fairly quickly. I have that opportunity right now. The opportunity to learn from the best and follow in their footsteps.

Another beautiful part about this company is that it helps stunt the growth of consumption. By slowing down the marketing, you slow down demand, which slows down production, which slows down consumption. It should be the business model for every company in the world. But just because not every company in the world is doing it, ACN is a black sheep. "It's new, it's scary, I don't like it, get it away." When computers couldn't fit into my apartment and cost more than the building I live in, Bill Gates said there would be one in every home in America (or did he say "world"?).

The only reason I went to see your uncle today is because nobody should look that tired all of the time. Because this is a system that forces you to meet people and make friends. A system that promotes growth within people, helping them move outside of their comfort zone so they can build character as they build friendships. And because he would be meeting so many people all of the time, he might even meet a woman who will end up loving him. Or not.

Sure there's a start-up fee, and sure I can see how that would make it sound shady, but think of the risk you put in every day with what you're doing. I'm sure you put in more than $500 worth of risk a week at A-Submarine, hoping that customers will show up every day to pay for it all and then put a little bit in your pocket which you have to share with the people that are helping you. As long as you keep duplicating the same thing over and over again, and whatever speed or pace you want to do it in, you will get your $500 back. And you don't have to share it with anybody. Your only obligation is to share what you know about doing well with the people you introduce to it, and be happy if they can do almost as good, be really happy if they do as good, and be extremely happy if they do better than you.

If this is a scam, then I'll be happy going to jail for convincing somebody to switch their service providers, save money, and pay a bill anyway, and sometimes show someone else how to help other people get involved in that.

I do desperately hope you accept the apology that's hidden in this email. For being so short with you tonight on the phone. It was a loaded conversation from the get-go and I was having it in a very awkward spot. I had so much to say but so few words to say it in. Only did what I thought would be best for your uncle, maybe I just did it in the wrong way. But that's just one of the many lessons I'll learn at the University of ACN (taken from the training material - kind of cultish, huh?). Chad said it so well the other night. He said my life is destined for tragedy. The way I live, the position I've put myself in, the choices I've made, it's all very poetic to him. I bring guns to knife fights and I don't know how to control it

I feel like this is turning into a book, but if for any other reason but because you did open up to me, this isn't quite over yet. I'll try to summarize it the best I can without leaving too much out.

Catalina is just another Cleopatra. A woman who knows how to control a man with her emotions. She's the type of woman men empty their bank accounts for just so she would choose them to be the one she fell in love with. She would go through incredible mood swings. Sometimes it was the difference between feeling loved and feeling hated. She would look at me in a way that made me feel like it time for me to leave, but it would be a mistake to go. She would get incredibly jealous but I felt like she wouldn't give a shit if I left her. It was embarrassing to talk about with my friends because you knew what it looked like from the outside. It looked like I was getting played. And I was, and I knew it. But I couldn't stop going back.

The whole time this was going on, she was spending time with another man. Sam. A man I knew before I knew her. Didn't hang out with him a lot, but I liked him, and I respected him. He was always around. Carrying the heavy stuff, driving her to the grocery store, doing her laundry, taking her on vacations on her birthday. But she would show me texts from him that would say things like "I'm sorry it had to end this way, I'll always love you." Three days later he would be carrying every bag into the building from his car.

Sometimes I would hear them arguing. Her yelling, and him trying to get his feelings out through his tears. A forty year old man with a six pack, weeping like a baby. And I knew why. I knew it was the same for him. There was part of me that hated him, but part of me that wanted to reach out to him for support. But none of this was talked about openly between us. She would talk to me about all of the bad stuff about him, the next day she would be defending him. Whenever he would call, I would have to be quiet. Who would take her on her next vacation if he found out I was over?

One night I thought I heard the sounds of sex coming from her apartment. I lost it. I banged on the wall hard enough to make people three floors up hear it. It woke her up from her sleep. We didn't talk for a month after that. Then one night I'm riding home on a bus from Niagara Falls and the smell in the air reminds me of her, and so I text her to tell her. She replies with "I was just thinking about you. Do you want to meet up?" That night she kissed me. Two days later and for two consecutive nights we are intimate with each other. The very next night she confronts me about a rumour she is hearing at work that I'm sleeping with one of the girls in my department, which isn't true. The only other time I had sex with a girl I worked with was when I worked at a Pizza Hut. She refused to tell me who she heard it from though. Within the next paragraph she told me that she only knows two people that she considers "friends" where we work. After her not telling me who was spreading rumours about me, I narrowed them down to two people who didn't include me. Angry, confused, and bitter, I told people things she didn't want them to know. Including telling her ex boyfriend that her and I were seeing each other and Sam "I'm seriously not gay" Veltri how the wax really got on the red chair he bought her from Ikea.

Since dating her, I've read the book "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene, and her name is eerily all over that book. It's not a person that I'm not over, it goes beyond that. And it's not that you were a rebound, but a new beginning. I was just hoping I could get away with not having to relive all of that again.

There are plenty of things about me that don't make sense. This year has been an interesting ride for me. I've surprised myself and I've done things I'm not proud of. But one of the things I have discovered is that there are things about me that are easy to change, and there are things about me that are going to take a lot of time to change.

If you're willing to work with me, stay by my side and have faith in me, I would love you for it. But if you don't think that this opportunity is the right time for you, then save your money and wait for a better one (I'm using metaphors here, I'm not trying to get you to sign up to ACN, though it would help me and everybody else I know tremendously if you did!).

If I don't ever hear from you again, take care, Pearl joon. May you find what it is that drives you.

I wonder if this is how it feels.

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:39:00 GMT

Lately I haven't been able to go anywhere without someone stopping me to ask me if they have met me before, or to be told I look like someone they know, or a friend of a friend. I'm being told by more and more people how interesting/fascinating I am. More and more people are opening up to me, even when I've just met them.

My social circle has expanded exponentially in the last couple of months. My birthday party on Saturday will be a blend of thugs, fags, and university kids from all kinds of different backgrounds. Despite my lack of education, horrendous recall, limited social experience, and the fact that I've never been on an airplane often puts me in spots where I have to defend myself and my credibility. Still, as an observer from behind my own eyes, I can see peoples ideals and perspective changing right before me.

I feel almost as if nothing is stopping me from doing whatever I want at work.

"Hey, Kyle, what are you doing?"
"Oh, it was really busy so I went to get a coffee."
Laughter insues, I saunter over to my next flower.

My coaching sessions are often twice as long as anybody elses, but work gets talked about half as much. I'm constantly being put on guilt trips for choosing desks that aren't near specific people. My friend Zac has even admitted to thinking "What Would Kyle Do?" in certain situations at work.

Last night I was introduced to Eddie Izzard (you should YouTube him) because, through the eyes of this particular person, he's just a British version of me. I think he's fucking hilarious. What's more interesting, is that I've said out loud on a few occassions, that I'm interested in wearing make-up.

I'm a fag, seriously.

For whatever the resaon, for wherever the stars were when I was born and for whichever corners I didn't turn down, and for the people who have unknowingly contributed to the person I am today, I feel compelled to entertain people - to make people happy. I feel like maybe the same thing that is driving the Tom Hanks and Will Smiths of this world is also driving me.

Earlier this week I sent a headshot and a short email to Jigsaw Casting Agency here in Toronto. I got a reply on Wednesday.

"Hi Kyle,

If you would like to be added to our real people roster, you need to swing by Jigsaw Casting to get a quick photo taken and fill out an info sheet. I am here Monday to Friday 9-5, please call just before heading down to make sure I have the time to meet with you.

See our website (www.jigsawcasting.com) for address and directions.

While here I can give you advice on acquiring an agent for acting.

Cheers,
SM"

The girl who suggested I apply didn't even get a response, and she's all over the scene. Conveniently enough, last night I met a guy who is on their "roster" and has been doing commercials etc. through them.

I'm going to be famous. Sure it sounds egotistical, but nobody ever mentions ego when someone is telling people they feel like they were born to make music.

The last text message I've sent:

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:20:58 GMT

"Look at him. He looks so happy to take you wherever you want to go, buy you everything you ever wanted or needed, and give you every piece of himself, and you're fine having sex with me in the bed you share with him. But it's me, right?"

This has been the last 6 months of my life.

For those of you who have seen "Good Luck Chuck" - *waves* - hi, I'm Chuck.

I'm not even high.

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 16:30:50 GMT

This past weekend I found out that a guy I went to public school with, and have only seen once since, just moved into an apartment building around the corner from me. His mom used to be the one who made sure we were all playing fair and that nobody was making out in the school yard. Last night we got together to go out and get some drinks.

While we were getting ready to go out - having a few drinks and smoking a little bit of p.o.t. - we started talking about how we've all got our priorities mixed up. It started while I was watching him talk, and over his shoulder, out of the corner of my eye, I could see my own reflection in the balcony door. I got distracted by the thought of being a smaller version of myself standing inside of my head, looking through my own eyes with a third person perspective.

I realized that the reflection in the mirror wasn't me, but only the vehicle which carries me around.

The thought has crossed my mind a few times before, but reminders are always welcome. People are not faces and arms and legs. There aren't crooked teeth or gray hair. People aren't acne or scars, or the colour of their skin. Nobody had to pass a test to be white or be chosen to be beautiful. People are stories and experiences. They're feelings and emotions mixed together with expectations and ambitions.

Sometimes it's hard to open up to someone you don't have an attraction for. Symmetry sure helps. There's a part of our brain that responds better to structure and organization, making it easier to concentrate on other things rather than being distracted by "ugly". I've spent the better part of my life testing people. Saying things that make people go ":o" doing things that put my sanity and sexuality on the chopping block. I remember being in the same playground Chad's mom used to patrol, defending one of the "special needs" kids because he was being made fun of for being a "retard". I argued that nobody chooses a handi-cap. Nobody wakes up one morning and decides that they want to go to school to feel awkward, segregated, and to live in fear. Is homosexuality a choice? Put yourself in the shoes of a gay highschool student. Good choice, dude.

Growing up on FTJ, and I'm sure if I went back today, there were always people throwing spears into the inperfections of others. I'm pretty sure that I made a noticeable effort to never join in, but could never educate so many people at once. If it can't be changed, making fun of it is the equivalent of giving a blind man the finger. Sure, you might hurt a feeling or two, but you learn how to tease when you're a child; don't be afraid to grow up.

The conversation moved into how this is a physical world and none of us are really taking advantage of it. Especially those of us living in big cities. Around here, everybody lives inside of a box. They all have their little apartments, with their little couches, and their big t.vs. When they leave their apartments, their box gets even smaller. Whatever you can fit inside of a bag is usually all you have with you until you hit your next destination.

Recently I've made more of an effort to approach people. In bars, stores, on elevators, and even in the street. I've found that people are a lot more open to it than you might think. Breaking the ice still gets me nervous. My heart starts beating faster, and my breathing gets deeper, but it all goes away very quickly.

I've been so pre-occupied with the idea of "survival" until recently, making sure I go to work so I can have the money to feed and entertain myself. Being bombarded by adverstisements my whole life has kept me in a constant state of psuedo-happiness. Only feeling content whenever I obtain something new, and then feeling bad about it as soon as a better version comes out. They've made it so easy to obtain credit and to run up consumer debt. Then they tag this imaginary "interest" on it, so even when I'm not doing anything, going anywhere, or buying anything, I'm still creating more debt.

If every person who ever lent money to anybody all got the same amount of money back, there would be bajillions of dollars missing. Currency that has never even been created. We probably don't even have the resources to produce actual, physical representations of all the "money" that is owed. It's an interesting system, created by man, and it will eventually destroy man. I don't think a single one of you are even ready for what's going to hit us. Between voting in terrible administrations and not doing anything to stop the terrible decisions they are making and constantly consuming (just think of the word "consumption") goods that come from harvesting natual resources, our planet is so close to just falling apart, and soon.

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=5547481422995115331&q=zeitgeist%2C+remastered&total=22&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=2

http://www.storyofstuff.com

For those os us willing to learn how to hunt, fish, and build your own houses, kudos. For the rest of us, eating right and exercising, along with saving your money so you can travel instead of buying new things just so we can throw them away in six months is the only way you can maximize your potential as a human being. As a story trapped inside of a vehicle, how happy can a house full of consumer products make you?

It's all about touching and seeing, and about tasting and smelling, hearing is cool, too. None of the senses we've been given can help you take advantage of your flatscreen t.v. while you're at work trying to pay for it.

I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I've been practicing all of this for a significant period of time, and there are probably people out there who are millions of miles ahead of me. Fuck, I'm even writing this while staring at a 32" flatscreen t.v hanging on my wall that I'm still paying down. By writing this, I'm just hoping to create a ripple big enough for someone, if not me, to open their eyes or at least become interested enough in making some positive changes in their (and the people who they will forever come in contact with) lives.

Holy crap, man.

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:42:37 GMT

I can still get into this thing.

The last time I posted in this mother effing thing was 1 year, 5 months, and 3 weeks ago. I could have had two prematurely born babies in that time. Or one baby and one Jaundice-infected grape.

I've learned a lot about myself in those 19 periods (and 19 pregnancy scares for somebody). Including the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm a really rad chick inside of a really rad dudes body. Like that girl from Juno. I still really dig girls, though, but have spent a lot of time recently hanging out with fags. I only have to pay for breakfast and lunch now, and just go to dinner parties at night. Perhaps what I've implied is a little exaggerated, but there are few straight men who spend as much time with guys who like to suck dick as much as I do.

That sentence made me laugh a little bit after I re-read it. I thought about editing it, but fuck you guys, you figure it out.

I still haven't been on a plane. I've never been any higher off the ground than the Sky Pod at the CN Tower here in Toronto - which they have recently decorated with LCD lights that dance in the night. It's beautiful.

I've semi-recently become a pretty big pot head. I go into work high now. I come home for lunch and get stoned again. Hey, Ripley, get this; my performance has improved, I'm happier with my work, I'm meeting a lot more people, and they all seem to really appreciate me.

Three Mondays ago I got stoned and went for a walk and ended up at a Best Buy. While I was there, I considered purchasing a game for my Xbox. I started to walk around the store after talking myself into convincing myself not to buy the game. While I was walking around, I made a conscience effort to talk to as many people as I could. I had a couple of short conversations, a few words with a couple of people, and two considerably long conversations. I didn't buy a damn thing. I feel better about that now than any game ever has made me felt.

I moved into my own apartment! I don't think any of you ladies could spend a night here and not want my apple and both of my dumplings. It's too bad I've been completely shook by this woman who lives next door to me.

Let me take you back to late fall/early winter of 2006. I'm standing next to a guy I work with who looks and laughs like Eddie Murphy. We're scopin' out broads, and I lean to him and say something about shitting all over the place [for the clever], laugh, and then tell him that I would never shit where I eat [for the less clever, welcome back]. And just as I say that, Catalina walks by and I instantly correct myself, "except for her." At that time, I was still calling her "Katrina". I knew nothing about her.

Let me take you back to August of 2003. I'm at a party with my father and his friends, and my dad starts talking about a game I refer to as "Build-a-Woman". It was about taking different parts of girls (in this case) who were at the party, and build your preferred woman.

I don't remember what the woman I built that night looked like, but I can tell you from preference what she would look like. She would be petite. She would have long, dark hair, she would love to cook, and she would be in great shape. She would do things to me in the bedroom that only the people who have written to Penthouse have experienced. She also has to be brilliant. Most importantly, she had to live next door to me.

Unfortunately I've found her. And foolish for me to be so gullible to believe that my ideal woman wouldn't have any flaws.

If she were in the room, I'd refer to it as "there being things about her that are gasoline to the things about me that are on fire." I've recently become very aware of the fact that I get overwhelmed very easily, and this woman couldn't fill rain drop with the tears she's cried since I've met her. We are complete opposites in every way. We tell each other to go fuck ourselves every two weeks and within two days I'm fighting for my life to not cum.

After she pulled a classically Catalina move and sold me out for a party that I was supposed to go to last night, I returned the key chain she gave me when we began seeing each other, today. She saw it off of my keys a couple of weekends ago and tried to take it away and I almost lost my shit.

I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to manage a healthy relationship while I'm living here. If what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, then I'm training to fight bears here.

I'll blog more often, I think. When I remember the days I blogged the most, I think I was the happiest. And I think I'm more interesting than ever, so if you're interested in reading, then I hope you have a blast.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 00:54:21 GMT

I don't know. I can't help it sometimes.

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 02:02:33 GMT

From: "Kyill McDonald" <kyill@hotmail.com>
>How do you pick up the phone to call me and think "I deserve more respect than this!"?

From: Erin O
>what do i have to do to get you to stop talking about me. do i have to call your mother and tell her what a pig her son is being to get you to stop? you're starting to look like a psycho.

From: "Kyill McDonald" <kyill@hotmail.com>
>Colin asked. ;)

From: Erin O
>yeah i saw it. its a really classy move on your part, i dont understand why girls dont just flock to you

From: "Kyill McDonald" <kyill@hotmail.com>
>Ahah. Burrrrn.
Looks like we're in a battle of Class vs. All of that maturity you tell people you have. :D

From: Erin O
>alright man, have a nice life and enjoy talking about me, which is all you have now, memories. seeya

And then I replied with (as close to verbetum as I can remember):

"LOOK AT YOU BRINGIN' THE ZINGS. So qt. <3"

No reply.

I hate getting the last word. =/

Oh, hey, it's been a while.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 21:52:39 GMT

Erin called me just before my shift today to stop telling people on RMB about our sex life.

There was a thread about eating butt and I mentioned that I'm a big fan of eating butt, and someone asked me if I had eaten Erin's butt.

And if there's one thing I don't do a lot, it's lie. Also, there's another thing I don't do a lot... and that's have any respect for cheating, lying, manipulative whores. So of course I replied with an enthusiastic "did I ever!"

It was a short conversation, so I didn't get a chance to ask her how she was doing, but she sounded fine!

:)

Being judged is my favourite thing to do.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 18:56:04 GMT

I told a coupla girls from work last night that I invited a girl I met on the internet over to watch a movie.

They asked how it went, and I told them that it was fine, but I wasn't attracted to her and I don't think I will be pursuing anything with this girl.

When asked what it was about her that I wasn't attracted to, I told them: "I thought she was ugly."

OMG KY, I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY ANYMORE.

So how about this? From now on, I'm going to date any girl that is interested in me, whether they are pretty or not. So when they want to go out - shopping, to the club, to the movies, or whatever - I'm going to make up a bunch of excuses as to why I don't want to go so I don't have to worry about PDAs n'shit. Our sex live is also going to suck, because I'm not going to want to fuck her.

I'm so fucking sorry, ladies. I don't give a fuck if you think that I'm shallow for not wanting to date someone I don't find attractive.

Remember back in pre-school when you were trying to fit the square block into the round hole? If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fucking fit. Same logic here.

I'm not saying I think I'm the most attractive guy, or the most interesting, or the most successful, or the best lover, but none of that means I should have to settle on any random Jane with an above-par personality.

Me not dating you because I don't find you attractive doesn't mean you aren't going to find someone that'll love you to your core. You'll just meet them on another day.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 07:02:54 GMT

Eye Socket Oral: so an internet girl came over tonight
FoBrizzleDizzle: orly?
Eye Socket Oral: i wish you were on msn so you would get this: (N)
FoBrizzleDizzle: Did you rail her and take pictures?
Eye Socket Oral: could have
Eye Socket Oral: passed
Eye Socket Oral: the "(N)" on msn is the thumbs down, nigga
FoBrizzleDizzle: Did she suck your dick at least?
Eye Socket Oral: you know those people that are like, half-way between attractive and unattractive?
FoBrizzleDizzle: average?
Eye Socket Oral: well, she was standing with her toes on the half-way point
Eye Socket Oral: we were watching a movie, and i was trying to bring myself to put my tongue in her mouth, but i couldn't
Eye Socket Oral: it's hard to ask a girl for a blowjob if you don't kiss her first
Eye Socket Oral: or, it is for me at least
FoBrizzleDizzle: =/
FoBrizzleDizzle: Just cut her down and say, "You're worthless. I bet you can't even suck a good dick."
FoBrizzleDizzle: "OH YES I CAN!"
FoBrizzleDizzle: Oh yeah?
FoBrizzleDizzle: Prove it.
FoBrizzleDizzle: "OMG FINE I WILL!"
FoBrizzleDizzle: *unzips*
Eye Socket Oral: wait
Eye Socket Oral: you think that would work?
FoBrizzleDizzle: With a really battered bitch, yes.
FoBrizzleDizzle: And battered women are 8/10.
Eye Socket Oral: so, i should try that with every single woman
FoBrizzleDizzle: Yes.
Eye Socket Oral: because getting face 8 out of 10 times is pretty good
Eye Socket Oral: definitely worth offending the 2 that won't

Rave isn't dead.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 11:35:35 GMT

It's 7:30 in the Goddamn AM and I'm just getting home. Twelve hours ago I was debating whether or not I should bail on Kev, and his birthday party.

The weather was shitty all day. It was dark, no sun, rainy. But at the last minute I decided I don't do enough, so I called to confirm Kevin's address and I was on my way.

Originally it was just supposed to be a few drinks and a few friends at his house, but at 1:00am we all packed in to Kev's car and we were on our way downtown to Sonic, an after hours club in Toronto.

Thirty dollars for cover, $25 of water, and six hours later, I've now retired to my room after teaching 350 gay men how to dance. The 30 or so straight dudes that were there weren't paying attention. I don't blame them though, the women there were incredible.

Oh, and I tried E! Two motherfuckin' thumbs down. I didn't feel shit. I can't hear shit either. People were passing me viles and bags full of stuff I've never even heard of. I wonder if anybody has ever turned down more drugs that I did tonight...

I've got a lot to do tomorrow. I'll likely sleep through all of it.

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:37:04 GMT

It's 7:30am on a Sunday morning. Thanks to Bianca's phonecall, I have plenty of time to get ready for church!

Head.

Ache.

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 04:59:10 GMT

Absolutely not work safe.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 00:09:28 GMT

Zach and Blair came back to the city this weekend to go out and party. We met up at Madison's with Kristiana (girl we know from back home) and some random guy.

These are just the ones Kristiana had on her camera. Blair's got a few more to upload which I'll try to get up for all of my fans as soon as I can. :D

Zach and I only ended up on Kristian's camera because we thought it was Blair's. I even went as far as deleting some pictures off her memory card to fit our own. :D

Kristiana. Sigh.

Edit:

The only picture of me from Blair's cam.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 04:26:33 GMT

Every single one of you will appreciate this.

www.pandora.com

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 19:53:26 GMT

...katherine...i'll always love you Dad says:
Hhaa, yea but I'm also thinking that if he were still alive, would he want me to get one? I dont think so

-

Katie's father just passed away a few nights ago, and I messaged her to give her my condolences.

I suggested that she get a tattoo with his name because "I hear that makes people feel better in times like these".

This is the girl I went to highschool with that we just found out was in a scene filmed for NextDoorHookUps.com (look for "Sally Screamer").

Pukes blood

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 12:39:49 GMT

I was scheduled to work at 8am today for overtime, after finishing at midnight last night. And, being the schmuck that I am, I set my alarm for 7PM, rather than AM. So this morning, after waking up naturally and thinking "why hasn't may alarm gone off yet? I better look over at my clock and see that I'm waking up prematurely."

7:50am.

Good thing I live so close to work and was on the track team when I was in the 9th grade, because 7 minutes later I was already at my station logging in.

Oh, and Rob, I had a dream last night that Mary came over to watch t.v. with me. But don't worry, that's all we did. I swear. :( And this is just as fucked for me as it is for either of you, because I've never had a conversation with Mary in my life!

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:05:13 GMT

Ohhhhhhh man.

Shit hit the fan tonight, lemme tell ya.

I started this, and she countered with this.

You should probably pop some popcorn and getcherself a nice cold drink before you start.

...

The conversation stopped where she logged onto MSN to message me.

During that conversation, I made her admit to me that the reason she left wasn't because she was looking out for my feelings, but because she was selfish.

Also, she JK'd @ the urinary tract infection and small penis things. For those of you who have been on my LJ long enough will know that I'm not making up the fact that she JK'd about the small penis thing. :D

She said that was said out of anger.

ANGER!

AHAHA. God I feel good right now.

Sure I'm a little on the psychotic side, but that'll pass. It's like the 12 steps to recovery! I've done denial, frustration, anger, all that bullshit. Now I need to leave the head of the guy she's fucking in a box on her doorstep and I'll be completely over the whole thing!

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 04:17:23 GMT

I found this stuck to the elevator wall on my way up tonight:

I'm assuming "RYE" is "Ryerson (University)".

Isn't it too late in the day for flapjacks?

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 20:56:32 GMT

On my way home from work, I went by the crack park to find this really annoying crackbitch, who always grabs people when she asks for money, pulling her shirt up over her head so she could block the wind from blowing out her lighter. And as she pulled her shirt up, her pancake titty fell out the bottom. She didn't give a fuck.

Whatever it was; a cigarette, a joint, or a pipe, that shit was getting lit no matter how sunburnt her nipple got.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 04:29:46 GMT

Picked up these two gems tonight!

Sometimes I wish I never met you.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 22:09:36 GMT

So by the time the day was over, he had already attempted to make plans with me at least a half-dozen times.

"When can I see your apartment?"

"What movie do you want to see next?"

"I'm renting a cottage in September, you should come."

"There's a basketball court by my house, you can stay over and we'll shoot around."

He kept touching me. Like, playful punches n'shit. So I tried to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible.

I joked about how if I slept over, I could give him the best reach-around of his life.

"What's a reach-around?" Sigh.

I told him the story of the last time I was in at a cottage; I ended up in nothing but an open bathrobe.

I mentioned how I'm going to tell everybody at work that we're going steady

All of which made him sweat.

And right before I got out of the car: "I'll save you a seat tomorrow!".

DS:OUW#$%R)TEOFJ:NSE:FU()ER)#*%R#ESDJFl;j

Just about as I was set to hit "Update", my fucking phone started vibrating.

"Look, I just wanted to explain something. The only reason I asked if you wanted to do something again this week is because I can't see my dentist or my doctor, and I knew that you don't really have a lot of people you can hang out with ("have"... choose not to/avoid!), maybe we could do something."

His only friends wear white coats.

I'm afraid ~~I don't own any white coats~~.

Holllllly crap.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 05:57:15 GMT

This is definitely not work safe.

Unless you're allowed to have an erection at work.

Three gay men and a baby.

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 16:02:23 GMT

I went to a gay bar last night with Kev from work and two of his gaydude friends. And, honestly, I had a gay old time. Gaydudes seem to always be having fun. And there were cute lesbian broads making out a few tables over.

It started when I went out for a walk, and I called Kev from work to see what he was up to, and he was on his way downtown with two of his girlfriends-with-penii. He invited me to tag along, so we met up at work and headed down to the villiage.

After a couple of pitches of beer and a slice of pizza, I wasn't feeling real good. So unfortunately I had to end the night early, so I couldn't make it to "Buddie's". Luckily, though, because apparently there was a $20 cover and it was a fetish party.

I wonder if hangin' out with gaydudes is going to get me laid by hot chicks...

The Love of my life is coming back to me.

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 18:53:12 GMT

See you in 7 days, Scott Lintern.